McAlester News-Capital, McAlester, OK

Opinion

November 3, 2007

Deer season is upon us

The following is how a young city-dwelling friend of mine described his first deer hunt:

Sound asleep, 1 a.m. alarm clock sounds. Hunting buddies arrive. Drag me out of bed. Load everything but kitchen sink in pickup with camper.

Leave for deep woods in Kiamichi Mountains near Honobia. Brought beer, but forgot rifle. Have to turn around and go back. Then have to stick pedal to metal to get to mountains before daylight. Made camp but forgot directions to set up tent; finally got it tied between two trees.

Head into woods, gun ready. See four big bucks. Take aim. Then click. Forgot to load gun. Watch deer wander off while I try to cram shells into gun. Nervous, drop shells.

Cussing my luck, head back for camp. Can’t find camp, lost. Fire gun three times for help. Hungry, eat wild grapes. Fire gun again, still no help. Keep firing, run out of ammo. See four bucks again. Stomach starts to boil! Suddenly realize had eaten poke berries instead of grapes. Puke. Buddies finally found me. Rushed me to hospital to pump out stomach.

While gone wild hogs tear up camp. Eat all groceries except potted meat. Eat potted meat for supper. No crackers, hogs ate them. Go to bed. Can’t sleep. Laid sleeping bag on rock. About midnight wind comes up. Blows tent down.

Get up early, beer and potted meat for breakfast. Load gun and head back into woods. See no deer. Get sprayed by skunk. Head back to camp. Burn clothes. Hear noise. Excitement rises. There are those four big bucks grazing close to camp. Grab gun. Heart jumping. Take dead aim. Squeeze trigger. Gun kicks. Dead — one pickup truck.

Hunting buddy returns to camp dragging a huge buck. He was grinning wide. Had to repress urge to shoot the dude. Cut hand helping skin buck. Got mad. Take pickup, leave buddy and his prize buck in woods — “smart aleck.”

Pickup boils over. Had shot hole in radiator. Start walking. Slip and fall in mud. Meet black bear. Scared stiff. Take aim, fire. Gun barrel stopped-up with mud, blows end off barrel. Recoil knocks me down. Bear gets scared and runs.

Catch ride. Home at last. Told wife pickup broke down. Watch football game on TV while tearing up hunting license. Mail pieces to fish and game department, tell them where to stick deer license. Deer hunting done.

Stoney Hardcastle is a novelist and retired from teaching creative writing at Eastern Oklahoma State College. He lives in Wilburton.

Text Only
Opinion
Seasonal Content
Poll

It's awards season? Which 85th Academy Award nominated movie for Best Picture is your fave?

"The Artist"
"The Descendants"
"Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close"
"The Help"
"Hugo"
"Midnight in Paris"
"Moneyball"
"The Tree of Life"
"War Horse"
     View Results
AP Video
Gingrich Renews Vow to Campaign Until Convention Romney Rolls to Easy Win in Nevada GOP Caucuses Raw Video: Missing Family Found Alive in Ore. Police Clear Tents From Occupy Site in DC Killer of Fla. Girl Found in Landfill Gets Life Army Orders Bradley Manning Court-martial Cancer Charity Revives Breast-screening Grants Heavy Snowstorm Hits Colorado On Its Way East 2nd Teacher From LA School Arrested on Sex Claim Prosecutors Close Armstrong Inquiry, No Charges Sights and Sounds: Football Fans Pour Into Indy Unemployment Rate Down to 8.3% Obama: Still Far Too Many Americans Need Jobs GOP: Jobs Numbers Welcome, Can Do Better Fla. Man Adopts Girlfriend in Legal Battle More Deaths As Egypt Clashes Continue Raw Video: Prince William in Falklands Egpyt Protesters Blame Police for Soccer Deaths 'Lucky' 9-Year-Old Receives 6-Organ Transplant Raw Video: Michelle Vs. Ellen in Pushup Contest
NDN Video
Romney Takes Strong Lead in Nevada GOP Victory Nevada voters cast vote in state caucus Celebs Suit Up for DirecTV Beach Bowl Super Bowl's impact on Indy Social media do the trick for Planned Parenthood Huge snowstorm hits Colorado SB XLVI: Adam Sandler Bronx Zoo Selling Valentine's Day Roaches Adam Levine: Shame on Randy Jackson Tim Tebow Addresses His Fans and Faith Gossip Girl's Steamy Spread AG Holder defends actions in heated hearing 'Lucky' 9-Year-Old Receives 6-Organ Transplant First Look: Kim Kardashian on 'Last Man Standing' Panetta said to expect Israel attack on Iran in spring Madonna channels Victor Cruz Christina Hendricks Stuns in Sexy Dress Raw Video: Snow Causes 20-Car Pileup in Italy Raw Video: Michelle Vs. Ellen in Pushup Contest College Football Prospect Chooses Team Based on Chick-Fil-A
Parade
Magazine

Click HERE to read all your Parade favorites including Hollywood Wire, Celebrity interviews and photo galleries, Food recipes and cooking tips, Games and lots more.