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Mandy Carter

August 12, 2010

Life in the Slow Lane

BY Mandy Carter Staff Writer The McAlester News-Capital Thu Aug 12, 2010, 11:36 PM CDT

McALESTER — You’ve heard of three blind mice, now let me introduce you to four blind squirrels.

We went to Oklahoma City this weekend to visit Mike’s mom. As usual, getting out the front door was just the first of many challenges.

All of us went out the front door for the last time about four times. Each time, the cat strolled back in, only to be unceremoniously redeposited on the front porch, repeatedly.

Having made sure all the livestock was appropriately prepared for our one-night stay away from home, we almost made it down the driveway the first time.

After stopping for fuel and a snack, we were just shy of the turnpike when I realized I forgot my phone. We decided, however, that this was not a bad thing, so we drove on – a new concept. We’re trying to learn to save fuel.

There’s McDonald’s. Lunch? Duh. It’s already been 15 minutes since we stopped last time.

Three hours later we were in the City. Yes, I am aware it’s a two-hour trip.

Last week was birthday week – Mike’s is the day before mine. He’s approximately 10 hours older, but we just concentrate on the older part.

We got money from his mom for our birthdays, with strict instructions to spend it on ourselves. No problem.

The next day, she had to go to work, so we loaded up and went to the mall – well, we loaded up and went looking for the mall, after only two trips back into the house.

Traveling in Oklahoma City is not my strong suit, nor is it Mike’s.

Sense of direction goes out the window and we’re reduced to waving hands while hollering “this way,” or “that way.”

Several illegal u-turns and a few near-misses later we spied a sign for the mall.

“Even a blind squirrel finds an acorn now and then,” Mike mumbled under his breath.

“What was that?” The bobbleheads piped up from the back seat.

Locating the mall itself was only half the battle. We still had the parking lot and the inside to navigate.

A few hours, a pair of shoes and some undies later, we were back in the parking lot, searching for where we left the truck. We only made one pass around the parking lot before we found the exit, not bad.

“And the blind squirrels ride again.”

Zeke thinks he’s a funny man.

Once we were home we all had the epiphany at the same time that school was two days away and we had not purchased supplies. Two of the four squirrels ventured out to search for educational acorns. We mostly had a successful outing, it was the return home that caused the mini-meltdown.

“Mom, where are our schedules?”

One blind squirrel with a Bambi-caught-in-the-headlights expression.

Both kids were out of town the day I enrolled them, so that left me solely in charge. Oh – there’s the problem.

No one ever saw their schedules again.

Zoey, you have geography first hour.

I know this because I worried from the start about her having to read maps and such before her eyeballs were all the way open. It just made an impression on me.

Just follow the herd from there.

She rolled her eyes.

I didn’t have a clue where Zeke was supposed to start, so I instructed him to go to the office first thing and tell them his mother lost his schedule. That’ll make a great first impression. Besides, let them be the ones to break it to a 6 foot 2 inch kid that he has a bottom locker.

It’s nearly the end of the first day of school and no one has called me to come and get them because they didn’t have their schedules, so I guess they’re okay.

And the blind squirrels ride again.

Mandy Carter is a staff writer for the McAlester News-Capital. Contact her at mcarter@mcalesternews.com.

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